Have some fun

From Mike’s Jokes

  1. A  few years ago in December we were delivering holiday goodies to some neighbors during a blizzard. When we arrived at the home of two sisters will into their nineties, we were surprised t see them pulling their car out of the garage. We asked where they were going in such a storm and they seriously responded, “We’re going to visit the elderly.“

  2. A man is talking to the family doctor, “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.“

  The doctor answered, “Well here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.“

  The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?“ He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her and repeats the question  this several times until he’s standing a few feet away from her.

  Finally, she answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!“

  3. “Oh, God,“ sighed the wife one morning. “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!“

  Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been giving me a piece of it eery day for thirty years.“

  4. An old man and woman were married for years and years, even though they hated each other. When they had an argument, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. Repeatedly a threat was heard from the old man against his wife. “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!“

  It was believed that the old man practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and he enjoyed the tespect it garnered.

  The old man died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there were no tomorrow.

  The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme when her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: “Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

  The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down.“